Prom…

SCORE!!! So I think it may have been less than a week since my last blog, I do think that hell may be freezing over. Or not, either way I feel very good that my writing intervals have gotten much smaller. Now aren't my 2 readers happy?? Okay fine my 1 reader? Haha

Anyways today I kind of have a set topic but it is still quite jumbled up in my head. The best way to pinpoint it is : Family. I'm trying to expand on all 3 things I was thinking about in my previous blog…

So, what prompted my mind to think about family? Well its write up there in the title. First off I want to start off by saying that my prom date was awesome. And that none of my mentality has to do with her. Now that I got that out of the way; I would have rated prom a C+, maybe a B-. The reason for that was that I felt so out of place. If someone would have told me 4 years ago that some of my closest friends were going to shun me at prom, I think I may have died laughing. That would have been simply an impossibility in my mind. Unfortunately today that is not the case. Even though I was surrounded by friendly people at prom, I felt such solace the whole night. I can't say that I wasn't hurt after prom, because I was. But that is only half of what prompted me to write.

The next incident happened, well it's not so much an incident as something that has been going on for 2 months (well I took notice in the last 2 months.)…it's the care that my family has been giving me in the absence of my father. For all of you that don't know my father is currently serving a prison sentence and won't be released for at least a year and a half, I'm not saying that so I can receive any sort of pity because frankly I don't care for it. I am saying it to make my next point that much more meaningful. A little before my father was supposed to turn himself in, we moved in with my aunt in los angeles. It would be an understatement to say that I didn't want to move. I liked where I was, I liked the way things were going, I didn't want to change anything. However I didn't get a say in it. The first couple of weeks were a little rough because it took some getting used to, new place, new routines. After the initial awkwardness I began to really enjoy living here. I began to get that much closer to my family, and I began to see their love for me, I saw it every time my aunts would tell me to be safe when I went out, I saw it every time my cousins would cook for me, and I saw it in each one of their faces when I told them I was gay.

These instances reminded me about the power, and bond one holds with their family. Your family will always be there for you. Your relative, can't just stop being your relative. This eternal tie is something almost magical. Unlike most friendships, families become closer in tough times. It is this difference that has made me appreciate my family so much.

Friendboats….my titanic

So this will be my first edited blog, thank ya Mr. Jesse Han J. (however I make no promises at how well I can edit)

I mark this as a personal triumph in my blog writing because it has actually been less than a month since I wrote my last blog; which is way better than the couple of month intervals in my last ones (eeks). Anyway, seeing as how my last blog wasn't about a particular topic I think I will expand on one of my thoughts : friendship. (if you didn't get the title at first glance, maybe you'll get it after you read…if you still don't….uhhh…well….how bout them dodgers?)

Hmmm, friendship ayy? Well as I said before friendship and family used to hold much more similarity in my mind. In fact in my book they were once synonymous. That is, until recently. Recently I went on a hiatus from humanity, I became a hermit of sorts; well except without all that amazing wisdom. This seclusion from the world did just that, it secluded me from the world, and along with it went all my friendships. (most of them) In all honesty I think I have lost most of my friendships. Hence the sinking of my ship. My very own titanic, oh joy.

What wisdom have I gained from this experience? The first piece of wisdom is not to take your friendships for granted. A friendship needs to be tended to, and cared for; without equal participation from both friends, the friendship will…..well sink… the next batch of wisdom is a little harsher. Friends can leave you whenever and however they choose. Now that's not to say people are evil and I don't mean to sound bitter. The thing is that a friend has no REAL ties to you. Yes there are memories, and yes you may have invested time in each other, and all that good stuff. But in the end a friend doesn't HAVE to do anything for you. They don't OWE you anything. I learned this little piece of harsh reality the hard way. I really don't want you to get the wrong idea and think that I don't believe in friendships, and that you shouldn't invest in your friendships. I just want to say that friendships can end. Friendships are great, we are social beings, we need to interact. The message I want to get across is to be weary of the things you do, and never just expect things from people. Like I said before, don't take shizzle for granted.

Because I don't want to end on a sour note, I also want to add that I don't regret any of my friendships. Every one of them has taught me something about myself. I'm sure you have learned things about yourself through other people as well. Maybe that's one of the points of friendships? I never said that friendships had to end in a bad way. Some can have good endings.

I've heard it said 
That people come into our lives for a reason 
Bringing something we must learn 
And we are led 
To those who help us most to grow 
If we let them 
And we help them in return 
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true 
But I know I'm who I am today 
Because I knew you...

2:00AM revisted

So it's been a couple months since i last wrote on this thinger, and i have run out of excuses, i really have just been *blehhhh* if you get what i mean?...anyways its 2 in the morning and for some reason i just cant seem to go to sleep, in my endless search of something to do in this boredom i came across my blog again and i said, what the hey i might as well add a lil entry to kill the time and possibly make me sleepy as i read my own writing, haha.

well as of right now my mind is in a jumble, im really not sure what exactly i should write about, i have a couple topics in mind and i know that if i try to tackle them all on tonight im just going to end up with a bunch of loosefitting sentences and semi resemble conscious thought and dont reallly make sense to anyone but me. So in my effort to try to declutter my mind i will give this one to my negative 2 readers :) the topics floating around in my head right now are

1) Family- i recently moved in with my aunts and its a strange yet familiar experience. This move has made me think long and hard about the meaning of family and to what extent blood really runs.

2) Friends - my recent hiatus from the world has made me think about who and what true friends are. this topic in a way coincides with what family means but takes a twist at the end in my mind

3) Optimism - this topic brings about many little life lessons i have learned in the recent past and it explores what true optimism means to me....

i think those are the things that are going up in the old noggin, tell me what you want me to write about so i dont have to choose, i hate choosing haha